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ephemera.
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Relationships

Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:15 pm

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    • ABOUT
      I've noticed that there was a few relationship advice topics that are here, some for the LGBTQ community and some not. I've also noticed that they died out quickly, so I've decided to take matters into my own hand since I enjoy helping people anyway I can. This topic is for everyone and without judgement. Share stories, first crushes, problems, cheating, and anything else relationship related! I enjoy sharing my silly stories of dates I've went on or sad breakups. This is generally a place just to let out without the fear or being judged. I have plenty of things I've never talked about to my friends in fear that they would judge me or think I was stupid, so I wanted to make a place that was safe for everyone. Please treat everyone with open arms.



      RULES
      ⅰ. You will NOT judge people on their sexual orientation, sexual experiences, cheating, forgiving, etc. This is a safe zone.
      ⅱ. Don't call others names, example; slut, whore, stupid, etc.
      ⅲ. Feel free to give friendly advice.
      ⅳ. Feel free to ask questions.
      ⅴ. Don't lie and make-up stories, this is a place to share past and present relationship stuff.
      ⅵ. I don't want this to die, please keep it up? It would make me happy. ❤
      ⅶ. Just love. ❤



Last edited by ephemera. on Sun Jun 14, 2015 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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xx

Wed Oct 09, 2013 4:33 am

  • d'awww! this place just sounds all warm and comforting already! c:
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Re: Relationships

Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:59 pm

    • ×Thank you! (: I just kinda made it because people should have a 'safety room' to talk in about relationships. c:
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I need my own help. "/

Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:17 am

    • Alright, so I need advice of my own. Though it's not really about a relationship.. Well kinda, maybe. More of a friendship or skinny love(Well I knew that he loved me and I was weird about it. I did but I didn't). Okay, onward with the story
      (Note: This will probably be kinda long, sorry.. I just really need to get this out, it's been bugging me and making me feel like a terrible girlfriend and a friend)...

      I had this friend who I met on the bus.. I wanna say 10th grade? It's started out with me asking him if I could sit with him. Sometimes he would say yes, other times he would say no, but I'd beg till he said yes. We developed a great friendship. Every morning I'd sit with him and lay my head on him and sleep or we'd sit there in silence, but a good silence. On the bus rides home, I'd either sleep on him or we would headbang, listening to 80's rock or silly girly songs he had on it. People thought we were crazy, but we enjoyed each other. He would buy me gifts like a unicorn I have and I'd make him things since I didn't have money. :x But he enjoyed them. Course he would have our fights(Which none are important enough to mention). Well on my last day in Virginia, he came to tell me bye and wish me luck in PA and college since it would be a while before he saw me again, we kissed and hugged. We promised to remain friends. Also the night before my last day, I ended up having my 1st date with the guy whom ended up becoming my boyfriend of over a year and whom I live with(Which will come into play in the future of this story). Anyway, back to Jacob, it was Thanksgiving break in my college and I got myself a bus ticket down, and I roamed around with friends, visited family, etc. Well, I ended up staying in a hotel with Jacob, he wanted to kiss me again, but I refused, we ended up talking about my boyfriend and my feelings towards him(I got out a long and stressful relationship and it was the first time in a year or so I had felt any connection with someone, I did get into relationships before Jason though, those were to keep me entertained and lasted rather shortly, I'm a jerk I know). The next day was Thanksgiving, and I took Jacob with me because I wanted him to meet my family and vise virsa(I wasn't ready for my boyfriend to meet my family yet). It went alright had a lot of fun and my family really enjoyed him.

      **Time skip to December**

      This was an extremely hard month for me. I lost so many people. A old friend of mine committed suicide by jumping off a bridge and into oncoming traffic, another friend(Chelsea) thought I picked my boyfriend over her(It was over something stupid and if I knew I had to choose, I would have picked her), and other things which I'm about to go over. About three days after the suicide of the close friend, my grandmother in Colorado called me and told me my uncle was found unconscious, he had overdosed on some kind of strong pain killers. The news brought tears to eyes. December really fucked me up and caused a lot of issues mentally and emotionally. I had a month off of college and work decided not to work me for the whole month that was my break from school, I was left alone to dwell in my mind. Eventually, I called my aunt Christmas eve and she told me I needed to call my grandmother and that it was important, I knew what it was though she didn't say and I didn't want to hear and I didn't want to believe it was true. After about five hours of stalling, I gathered up the courage and called my grandmother to be told that my uncle had past away the night before(23rd 11:55pm), the news struck hard and what happened afterwards(About two days or so later) hit almost as hard. I talked to Jacob Christmas some. I didn't have a happy Christmas at all, I laid in the dark in my bed and stared at the wall. No gifts, no family, no one. I suffered alone. I ended up trying to text Jacob, only to get no reply. I called, no reply. I emailed, nothing there neither. Checked Facebook, he blocked me. I went to my other Facebook account and tried contacting him that way, he blocked me there too. He completely abandoned me and I never found out the reason. I ended up depressed, trying to kill myself, developing severe social anxiety, stuck in bed, not going to work, and failing college, causing me to drop out completely, I wasn't eating and I tried killing myself. I had no one to talk to about this, my family wouldn't help neither.. When my mother passed away, it was my uncle who was there for me, he was my best friend, in fact my uncle was there more often than my mother was, she abandoned me and my father, not really wanting to really step into my life until a few months before she pasted away. I later finally got my dad's brother to come get me from PA and I found out Chelsea and Jacob were dating. It made me a little jealous but not that much. He tried talking to me and I rejected him because he abandoned for his own 'selfish reasons' I guessing because he couldn't have me. Chelsea and I quickly kicked off our friendship.. She wanted to do a double date thing and I refused, telling a mutual friend on why I wouldn't, I thought my emotions would get the best of me and I'd end up crying and sobbing and asking why he(Jacob) abandoned me. My family really liked Jacob and they always ask about him. Sometimes my father and I talk about him, he always tell me if I think about him a lot that I care about him still. Eventually the thoughts kinda stopped, but only to be replaced by dreams and lots of them.
      And lately I've been wondering if he still thinks about me or misses me at all. I always have an urge to talk to Jacob, but I'm stopped by the fact that he now hates me(?) and thinks I'm going to get Chelsea to cheat on him with me(Did I mention that she had a crush on me and that's why they got together to forget about me together? I used to have a really big crush on her but she said she didn't roll that way and she was Mormon). Though I would never do that. I just wish I could talk to him without feeling like I'm going behind Jason's and Chelsea's back.. But then again I don't want to talk to him because of my feelings for him might get uncovered and I feel like a bad person for having these dreams.. Like I feel like I'm cheating on Jason... My feelings for Jacob was a strong friendship and not a dating kind of way.

      I just don't know what to do at all. Most of me wants to block him completely from my life and suppress him like everything else. Other parts wants to keep him on Facebook just to make sure he's okay..


      My life now; I now fear letting people in at all, strangers talking to me makes me want to cry, I'm actually too scared to hand out candy on Halloween to children. CHILDREN. I feel so stuck on everything. I mean least I have Jason, he's my rock(the good kind), my only stable thing in my life at the moment. I can't drive, have no friends, and live out in the middle of nowhere with my loving boyfriend. My only friends are in PA or an hour away.. Which is like 2 or 3 people, I want a physical friend, someone I can cry on their shoulders if I needed, someone to grab a bite to eat with, play games, listen to music, basically everything I had in Jacob. Jason is my best friend, but you know what I mean, Like I want to have girl talk or guy talk. I don't want to talk about Jason to Jason, ya know? And I fear I might not ever have a friend like that ever again.. I'm not in high school, and everyone at work... None of them have common interests, except one, but I'm too scared to even talk to her and eventually hangout with her. I'm used to my family being my only friend. But they are an hour away and they don't want to drive an hour to visit me. I was never a social butterfly.

      My three friends:

      Matthew: We have so much in common and we understand each other completely.

      Rachel: Well she an hour away and is too busy with Senior year.. Plus her mother is too strict. She only really talks to me anymore is if she has a question for something in school.

      Chelsea: Well, now she is just awkward and likes to play mind games and only responds if she wants to. She also a very depressed person and everything about her is depressing..
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Re: Relationships

Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:05 am

  • Awww, ephemera *hugs*
    I’ve never been the best at giving advice, as I find advice often -if not always- stems from experience. But I’ll try to give you what little advice I can offer.
    For starters, I myself only have a few friends. I however am not a very social person and I’m fine with my three or four friends. What I can tell you though, is that if you want more friends you have to put yourself out there. Yes, not everyone is going to be wonderful and helpful and yes, you will get hurt but if you can dig through the weeds you can and will find someone. Friendships take time to develop and flourish and very few happen instantaneously. It can start over something as simple as striking up a conversation with someone about any random thing and then maybe mentioning something you enjoy and finding out if you have things in common. Sorry, I got sidetracked -I have ADD- anyways the point remains that you have you put yourself out there to meet people and make new friends. Sometimes you’ll get approached by someone looking for a friend rather than the other way around. (I myself dislike it because I generally dislike the company of others and enjoy my solitude).
    Now, for your situation with Jacob, I would just confront him. I don’t think you should feel bad for mourning a flailing and failing friendship. I in all honesty would bring up my concerns to my boyfriend and hope that he would support and possibly even help me. I feel that explaining the situation and your concerns to him may in fact make you feel better, however the choice is of course entirely up to you. But I would think that as a supporting boyfriend he would at least be able to comfort you and maybe offer you some sound advice. Who knows, maybe he’s gone through something similar.
    I would just confront everyone with my concerns. Simply because I know that things like these can eat away at a person and while I may not have been in situation completely I have been in quite a few similar situations and I have lost people over stupid things and things left unsaid. It can be frustrating and infuriating, but communication is key to any and all relationships, be it friendship, family, a significant other, its all about communication.
    I hope this has helped you, even in the tiniest way. I’ve never been good at the whole ‘words or wisdom’ thing.


    In other unrelated news....I think I might love this boy.
    End of story.









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This little boy of mine...

Wed Nov 27, 2013 2:30 am

        • This sounds like a fun thread. (: I've currently been in a relationship for about 6 1/2 months... Surprisingly, this is my first relationship. To be quite honest, I am pretty sure I have a mild case of Androphobia, the fear of boys. No, I do not cower in fear when I'm around them by any means, I just find them untrustable. Let's face it, boys are assholes. So, I have refused to date. I was that last person to get a boyfriend, because I would turn them all away. [even the cute ones] Well, up until this one.
          Let's just say my known fear of boys isn't the only reason why I stayed away from others... I had had my heart broken, once. That was maybe 2 years ago. Funny thing is, it happened with the boy I'm with now. Basically, we got into a fight, and just stopped talking. I'm a stubborn person, and I expected him to come back... But of course, he didn't. My heart not only ached from that, but the next time I saw him... Let's just say it wasn't rainbows and butterflies. He was cruel, but only because he was hurt. He was in a similar situation, only he was with another girl. Talk about an arrow to the heart. Things slowly mended between us, and we got to the point where we could stand each other for more than fifteen minutes at a time. I thought he hated me, but he was always there for me. Never had I suspected that he had feelings for me anymore.

          I've been friends with his bestfriend for years, long before even my current boyfriend became friends with him. He is basically an older brother to me. He does get into some trouble, and I am sure that has hurt my reputation... But he's always there for me. I let him call me crying over some girl, and he makes sure nobody lays a hand on me. I was on a skype call with him one day, and out of the blue... He said I should date his bestfriend, my boyfriend. Let's call my friend A, and my boyfriend P. I remember being more than astonished, because it had totally been off topic. Nevermind the mere thought of ever being able to be with P was next to impossible, and it hurt. This pressuring towards P continued, and I got curious one day. I asked A if P had said something about me or something. All my friend had done is smiled and walked away.
          Not only had this been going on, but my friends began teasing me as well.... I'm going to go ahead and just name them, because there is no chance you'll be able to find them, for they have such common names. Hannah, and Bailey. They claimed that they had spotted him watching me, and often trying to put himself around me. Little things like that, that I was apparently to blind to notice. At first I had ignored their words, once again, because it was painful... Knowing that I would probably never have the chance to be around him anymore. Eventually, I began paying attention to him. Gradually I began to accept the idea that maybe, just maybe, he might have feelings for me.

          He began talking to me. It wasn't full out conversations, but it was a start. Just a few words exchanged over text, soon came to conversations on facebook. It became a daily thing. We didn't interact often in person, but the bitterness between us had faded. Still, I was careful with my heart. As much as I wanted him, I didn't want to be broken again. Because being broken, you can't stop it, even if you beg them to come back. You can try and mend it, but you can't fix it unless the other side is willing.
          This side happened to be more than willing.
          It all continued. He eventually admitted that he liked me, and I was just a bit more slow to admitting my feelings. As always I was awkward, fumbling over myself when he went around flirting. Slowly, word for word... He captured my heart whole. He had already had it, but now then I was wrapped around his little finger.
          On May 17, he kissed me, and then finally popped the question.

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Re: Relationships

Tue Dec 03, 2013 11:36 pm

All your stories are so sweet!
I'm not the person to ask for advice... Sorry, I would help but I can't.

I've never had a boyfriend. It's not because I can't get one - all I would have to do is say something and twenty would start running up. I'm not exaggerating. I may not be a freaking supermodel or anything like that, but I'm not ugly and my personality and interests seem to attract many people.

And then again five have just come up to me and told me that they had a crush on me.

Four of those were... well, 'normal.' They were talking to me and just suddenly said it. Then there's this other kid. Since he has such a common name, I'll tell you that his name is Josh. Nice kid. I've been friends with him for a couple years, our last names are so close that we always have lockers right next to one another. I must have been distracted talking to Genise while my locker was open or something along those lines, because the next time I opened it, I found a piece of paper tucked under the small magnet on the whiteboard in my locker door. Of course, I opened it, and read it during my next class - German. Josh has that class with me this trimester. I found a modified version of a poem from Skyrim that - in my opinion - is the most beautiful poem ever composed. I think I had mentioned it to him at some point. I recognized his handwriting easily, it's this small slanted stuff.

The quest that's associated with the poem is where you help this guy named Calcelmo (might have misspelled it) get this girl named Faleen. You find out that she likes poetry and then get the poem from this other guy. It's really pretty poem... I think I have it somewhere... but like I said, Josh modified it. I have no idea what to say to him now, it's really sweet but I'd rather not have a boyfriend yet.
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Re: Relationships

Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:10 pm

I'm glad I found this thread, as I need relationship advice. It may be too mature for some younger users, so read at your own discretion.

I'm a lesbian and I have a girlfriend. I love her very much, and she is a demi-biromantic asexual. We met in our first year of high school, and we sat next to each other in Business Technology. We both had crushes on each other, but since we're both shy, never said anything to each other. We both assumed the other was straight, so never acted on our feelings. We discovered over the summer on Facebook that we both liked girls, me being a lesbian, and she told me she was bisexual. We starting dating in September, and it soon turned to an off and on relationship after she developed feelings for her male best friend. I never stopped liking her, although I tried very hard to, and eventually she came back to me and identified as demi-romantic. That was cool with me, and we got back into a relationship. She casually mentioned to me she was asexual, but when we talked it sounded like she did have some desires, like to make out. We don't get to see each other much outside of school, so we just kissed each other briefly in school when we saw each other, like a peck, and that was it. She later tells me that she isn't even attracted to kissing, and just wants to hold hands and be in a relationship. Now me, being a lesbian, wants to do things, and she's an asexual so she's not interested in that stuff, and won't do it. I love her, but this is really difficult for me. I want to be in a relationship with her, not just for the holding hands and stuff, but the whole relationship package. Apparently I'm "sexually frustrated", meaning I'm pretty much an emotional wreck because I don't get any of that stuff. I'm in this really awkward place where I have a girlfriend but I can't get any of that stuff from her and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I love her and I can see us being together for a long time, but if I'm with her for a long time, I'll also remain a virgin for a long time. I've done stuff before with other people, but I haven't done anything with her. I don't know what to do with these feelings. We're not in an open relationship, so I just don't know what to do. I want to be in a relationship with her but I have these feelings I can't act on. Does anyone have any advice? I just needed to tell someone this. Any advice would be very helpful, I'm stuck here and I just don't know what to do.. thanks.
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Re: Relationships

Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:38 pm

Kingston wrote:I'm glad I found this thread, as I need relationship advice. It may be too mature for some younger users, so read at your own discretion.

I'm a lesbian and I have a girlfriend. I love her very much, and she is a demi-biromantic asexual. We met in our first year of high school, and we sat next to each other in Business Technology. We both had crushes on each other, but since we're both shy, never said anything to each other. We both assumed the other was straight, so never acted on our feelings. We discovered over the summer on Facebook that we both liked girls, me being a lesbian, and she told me she was bisexual. We starting dating in September, and it soon turned to an off and on relationship after she developed feelings for her male best friend. I never stopped liking her, although I tried very hard to, and eventually she came back to me and identified as demi-romantic. That was cool with me, and we got back into a relationship. She casually mentioned to me she was asexual, but when we talked it sounded like she did have some desires, like to make out. We don't get to see each other much outside of school, so we just kissed each other briefly in school when we saw each other, like a peck, and that was it. She later tells me that she isn't even attracted to kissing, and just wants to hold hands and be in a relationship. Now me, being a lesbian, wants to do things, and she's an asexual so she's not interested in that stuff, and won't do it. I love her, but this is really difficult for me. I want to be in a relationship with her, not just for the holding hands and stuff, but the whole relationship package. Apparently I'm "sexually frustrated", meaning I'm pretty much an emotional wreck because I don't get any of that stuff. I'm in this really awkward place where I have a girlfriend but I can't get any of that stuff from her and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I love her and I can see us being together for a long time, but if I'm with her for a long time, I'll also remain a virgin for a long time. I've done stuff before with other people, but I haven't done anything with her. I don't know what to do with these feelings. We're not in an open relationship, so I just don't know what to do. I want to be in a relationship with her but I have these feelings I can't act on. Does anyone have any advice? I just needed to tell someone this. Any advice would be very helpful, I'm stuck here and I just don't know what to do.. thanks.
        • It sounds to me that she might not want people to know... Just by the way you said it. Which is completely understandable, for the world is a cruel, judgemental place. While I support it, a lot of people put down heterosexuals like they don't belong, or like they can change. I am personally strait, so I don't personally know what it's like, but I've seen enough films to know that it is no easy walk in the park.
          First off, is this her first relationship with a female? She might be new to this thing, seeing as how she is bisexual and all. She may or may not just be experimenting, and isn't quite sure if she want's to be sexually involved with another woman quite yet.
          Really, what I would personally do... Is sit down with her and just ask. Tell her your thoughts, your personal opinion on the matter, and then ask her for yours. Relationships rely on communication, and so you two need to communicate. After this is all sorted out, I think you two will be a great couple! You two sound adorable. (: Just ask her questions on your mind. 'Are you self conscious?' 'Is this your first relationship?' 'Am I rushing you?' I wish you luck! xx
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        • I am currently kind of quitting AS. I just don't have time anymore, sorry. xx
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Re: Relationships

Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:49 pm

Thanks for the advice. She has had quite a few relationships with girls before, and the girl she dated before me, they dated got three years. She is not self-conscious or uncomfortable with being attracted to women at all, in fact, she's much more confident about herself than I am. She doesn't care what anyone else thinks. She is asexual so it's not a matter of getting her comfortable with romance with girls, she just isn't attracted to anyone at all. Thanks for the advice though.
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