Relationships

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D e s t i n y D.
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Re: Relationships

Fri Jun 12, 2015 4:23 pm

I'll attempt to get him to come see me, talk it out. The only real issue is that his mom lives in his old town; three hours away. The day it all occurred we talked it out, despite me crying. My mom just freaked out so bad on him that he's kind of scared (I think).

We aren't at all religious. We are underage as well. I just know very well that when you're put in any situation of that nature, you don't 'stop'. I didn't anyway. And I think it's just better to protect myself; period. It's not my intent to lose my virginity- the birth control is really just a precaution. The fact we began getting handsy wasn't intended, it just kind of happened.

My mother and I talked, and she just emphasized how I was her only child so she was going to freak out. She has never seen marks on me before, but she did also get them as a teen and she's more concerned with me looking trashy than anything else.
I rubbed it out in a day, which is a good thing to know for the future.

Thank you for answering , sicksadworld!
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sicksadworld
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Re: Relationships

Fri Jun 12, 2015 8:45 pm

As long as you are comfortable with each other and obvious consent is given there should be no issue and I can tell there is obviously a strong bond with you and your boyfriend so theres no issues there, I can also understand if you're an only child why your mothers being all, well, motherly, they always are.
I think the only real way for your boyfriend to be comfortable with coming over again is if her breaks the awkwardness between himself and your mother. In a few months/years time you'll be making jokes out of this situation you just got to get him to come out his comfort zone and talk things out.

Glad to see your being safe, mature and sensible as well and its no problem at all, i'll try and help all I can and if you need me just pm me.
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ephemera.
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Re: Relationships

Fri Jun 12, 2015 11:14 pm

×I just wanted to say thank you for keeping this alive and thank you to the people who has been helping others while I was gone! It means a lot to me. (:

So my birthday is coming up(June 16th) and I'm not really all that excited for it. I've just had too many past experiences on my birthday or just in general so I just don't get excited much anymore. So my boyfriend is planning on taking me out to go to downtown Richmond(Virginia) to go to all the fun little shops and take me out to eat and whatever. But I just don't know if I want to do that. I mean I do, but like doing anything on my birthday is just a downer for me. I just feel like I'm going to be disappointed in it. Ya know? But I don't want to make my boyfriend feel bad for nothing.
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Kotayle
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Re: Relationships

Wed Jul 01, 2015 6:14 pm

Hi there! I was hoping for some advise!

A little about me:
I am a female college student whom is 22 and I am dating a 29 year old male. We have been dating for 5 years now and I love him and [almost] everything about him. We have loads in common, we have fun together, are compatible in living situations as we have lived together now for 2 years. He has his bad habbits, but so do I and so will everyone we encounter in life. I have a crazy amount of things that make me hard to deal with. Here are some example to help you understand where I am coming from.
    • -My mother left me when I was a year old
      -My parents never married and split up before i was even born
      -My dad didn't let me see my mom until I was 7 (or so I thought), in reality- she didn't want anything to do with me because she was a young mom and wanted to party (she was 21... not super young)
      -My dad is an Alcoholic, I have always had to take care of him.
      -My mother is an unstable emotional mess that i have had to take care of since she reentered my life when i was 7.
      -My dad did remarry to a woman when I was 3 but we never got along a she hates children
      -I grew up by raising myself as no one had time for me
      -I have separation anxiety, regular anxiety and panic attacks too - sounds fun right?
      -I am currently suffering from severe depression with little to no social support.
      -All i have going for me in the world is my education and my boyfriend- who has been my FIANCE for a year now. Yes, he finally proposed but is dragging his feet about the wedding.
      -I am motivated in life by accomplishing goals and planning everything out in the smallest details.
My Goals propelling me forward (in order) and what is stopping me from obtaining them:
    • -Obtain a service animal (dog) for my tachycardia (irregular, fast heart beat) ~ NOTE:I have already paid for her and she is born, she is the second puppy i have waited on for the record. I was supposed to get her last year but my fiancé said no and i had to wait for another litter a year later because the plan was that we would move by this summer... which we haven't so im scared he wll say no again... another excuse is that he "hates Siberian huskies," and i love them... he likes Chihuahuas... YES CHIHUAHUAS... ugh!
      -MOVE. We are currently living in a home his parents own and we thought we were paying the house off but his father has revealed that it will forever be his income when he retires... therefor we are just renting. We cannot apply for a home loan because my boyfriend doesn't believe in banks or credit cards so he is making money under the table right now and not on the books and therefor we cant get approved for a loan because according to the gov, he has no record of employment or income... i do but i work at a low quality restaurant lol my salary doesn't mean anything.
      -Get married. We have been engaged for a year now... were supposed to get married last summer and then this summer but he keeps putting t off because he claims he wants my dad to get better first. NOTE: they don't get along, this is a BS excuse... and my dad is on heavy drugs i have no hopes of him getting better- besides... weddings are about the couple- not their family.
      -BABIES! I want to be a mom so bad but it is my personal standards for quality of life. I don't want to have babies unless i feel my fiancé and i are financially stable, married, in our own home. . .
      - By the time all of the above are done i will be finished with school for my bachelors degree and well on my way to having a doctorate in cardio medicine.
Here is what i need help on

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS DRAGGING HIS FEET!
I am becoming very impatient and I have been more than reasonable with flexible timelines even with my severe anxiety when it comes to my plans being thrown out of wack. I am a wonderful human being (not being stuck up i just value myself and the accomplishments i have made internally... not trying to brag i just am proud of myself), and i deserve to be happy and get things that I want... especially since i have worked for them and I really don't think i have given him a reason to not want to be with me. Sure, i have a lot of issues... anxiety and depression but i am getting to the point that if he cant deal with me he should let go of me ... right? I don't know why but i cant leave him i just love him so much and i wish he would understand that... I don't know what to do and it is really taxing on my every day life... i don't have anyone to talk to about this that wont later judge my relationship... PLEASE HELP - ALL OPINIONS WELCOME... even if you decide to tell me im a mess and should give up on being happy just please be honest... am i really asking too much from him?

other side notes: He has an amazing job... its just not recorded... he makes great money so finances are not an issue...
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thunderofthebun
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Re: Relationships

Sat Aug 01, 2015 5:37 pm

The things that I see as red flags are:

Him earning his money under the table (how is he able to be financially stable when his employer is somehow okay with evading the laws in this way?)

Him saying no to YOUR service dog that I imagine YOU would be caring for. You are a grown adult and it's not like you are springing a pound puppy on him.

How on earth did you guys think you were purchasing if you were really renting? The paperwork should be different and, if there currently is no paperwork, I would definitely start getting things in writing. My parents rent out a property and absolutely have a proper lease agreement. It helps iron out all the little issues of liability, lease length, monthly rent, etc.

I can relate in some ways; my ex didn't have a credit card, for a long time didn't have a bank account.. if he hopes to ever purchase a property or get a loan, he needs to have some credit on file.

I think.. it sounds to me like you guys need to have a serious talk about your short term and long term goals. It sounds like yours is marriage, a family, and being able to eventually purchase your own home. Even if you just want to rent an apartment, you will likely need proof of income, a credit score, etc. If you guys set a date for a wedding then you need to move forward with it and start the planning process. Honestly, it sounds like you need to call him out on the bullshit about waiting for your dad to get better if it's clear that his situation isn't going to improve. And what about you? Will you have a lot of student loans that will impact your finances in years to come?

If you guys can agree on some goals, then maybe you can work on a plan to make progress towards them. You don't have to jump in and get married and open a bank account tomorrow, but does he see that the way he earns impacts y'all's future choices/options? Could you slowly start on planning a wedding so it isn't as overwhelming for him but you are still making progress towards it?

It sounds like you are definitely stuck in some ways. You could threaten to move out of his father's house since renting it was never made clear to you, but you can't actually go if you won't get approved to rent elsewhere. Ultimately, you really need to talk to your fiance about your goals and his goals and see if they line up and what you guys can do to move forward together.
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queen rena.
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Re: Relationships

Wed Aug 12, 2015 1:23 am

    • this place seems inactive but eh, imma bring it to life again.

      so hiii, my crush asked me out saturday and i agreed of course. the thing is, this is my FIRST time dating someone. im hella nervous and i dont know what to do. im scared. i feel awkward and weird and shy and everything (not much of anything new) but this whole world of dating feels weird. i like him, but i also dont want to have this relationship move too fast. i just really need some advice. like what to do and what not to do and just help omg.
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thunderofthebun
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Re: Relationships

Wed Aug 12, 2015 3:17 am

Keep your personal standards. I know it's SO easy to feel pressured, even when the person doesn't mean to make you feel that way. Pressure to go out and seem to have fun with their friends, pressure to go too fast with sexual intimacy, pressure to talk about the future together, pressure to see certain people in your life less...

Maybe you could sit down while you are fairly clear-headed and work out what you think to be a reasonable timeline? And maybe a general window of flexibility as well. Such as X number of weeks before a kiss, give or take a week. A relationship shouldn't be a mathematical formula, but if you worry you won't have good judgment in the moment then maybe it would be good to think about things beforehand?

I don't know. xD

Also - if he has more money than you then I understand letting him pay, but if you guys become a steady thing then I really feel that both parties need to contribute equally. Even if you can't do it with money, find other ways. Make up for it with creative, cheap things to do so that he doesn't have to worry about the planning so much and will appreciate you being considerate of his bank account.

Getting to know each other as a couple is going to take time, so just don't feel like you are expected to jump in and magically know how each other operates! You will have to learn his behavior and what he likes and such. I learned that my boyfriend is totally fine with me snuggling with him, clinging to him (which is awesome). I've learned little things he does like, little things he doesn't like. I've learned how he feels about various things, how he thinks, how he reacts to certain situations and his views on various topics. It just takes time, and that's totally normal and okay.


For my part, I'm preparing to not see my guy for nine months. I hate it. He's my rock.
I'm a sensible, intelligent, sane person, but... this is going to be hard.
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Happy May!

- Share team changes ✔
- Share poetry finalists in afflatus ✔
- Finalize the May afflatus ✔
- Finalize the AS survey results
- Create the 100 DoS prompt list
- Update the anon box thread
- Update the sidebar ✔
- Discuss the workshop idea
- Update the afflatus coding
- Prep afflatus images
- Update the team page
Also: discuss themes status


Happy Birthday to all of the May blueberries!
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Heichou
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Re: Relationships

Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:30 pm

    • I got trouble in La La Land
      • Its been five days since my boyfriend and I broke up, I've been depressed ever since. Three months being together isn't really that long, but just with a glance, you would really know how in love we were with each other. Our relationship was a long distance relationship kind of type, but we Skype time to time, if not, we chat. He was my galaxy and I was his Universe. We were the most cheesiest couple anyone would meet. We were nerds, fighting over who would win. Batman or Superman? I even thought that he was finally "the one" I get to be happy with, but I guess life wasn't in favor with it happening. The way he broke it off with me was the worst thing a guy would ever do. He broke it off through text/message. Guess he couldn't face me or talk it through personally.

        He was mad at first, asking who Tiger was and who the fuck he think he was talking shit about us breaking up. So, being the nice girlfriend I was, I told him some stuff about Tiger, then he replied telling me he didn't care who he was, but he wanted to know why I was crying. Why was I crying, you wonder? I had a very tough day ever since I woke up. Much worst than any tough day I had. I woke up late, got to school late, fell down a few stairs, failed a few pop quizzes, got wet from the rain, tripped, lost a bunch of important essays I made, and basically seeing Sloth showing too much PDA got me bitter.

        Anyway, I told him why and he didn't reply, so I stayed up a bit too late until I fell asleep. When I woke up, he had messaged me, telling me that Tiger had pissed him so much that he needed a break, since Tiger had told him to break up with me, that's what he did. He said not forever, just until I finish school and when we're a bit older....I didn't like the idea nor did I want it to happen, but if he was happy, then it was fine with me. He told me he wasn't happy either and that he just didn't like my friends, he hated them. He deleted all the comments and likes he had on my pictures and he wanted me to do the same so he could move on.

        Being really in love, I tried to change his mind, make him stay, fought for our relationship. I told him that he was the reason why I could actually put up with a shitty day in school, because by the end of the day, I get to talk to him. Though, he doubt that. I replied, telling him that he was the reason why I stay up a bit late at night and that a single hello from him could change my mood. Tried to flirt a bit, saying that he was a drug that I couldn't get enough of. One of the good kind I need to keep me well and alive, and that it was the doctors orders. It seemed as though he really didn't want me anymore, but that's where he finally admitted it to me. During the time he was camping with a few good friends, a girl had kisses him and that he slept with someone else....

        I forgave him. I understood why someone would kiss him. I mean he was like a character with no flaws, a guy who could look flawless while being pictured unintentionally. He was sweet, caring, romantic, crazy and weird, but that was what attracted me to him. Told him that he wasn't a fuck up, just a human who make mistakes. He replied, telling me it was for the best and that he couldn't live a day about the mistake he made. Also, that I should find a guy who won't be depressed and that he had moved on and he was with someone already, they just forgot about each other time to time. That's where I finally agreed. Deleted all the comments and unlike all the pictures.

        Until now, I feel guilty for being with someone who already was in a relationship. I think all those sweet and romantic things he said were nothing but a bunch of lies. He never really loved me, did he? I was just a toy that was picked up and thrown away later. I need help with moving on from him....
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cheval.
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Re: Relationships

Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:20 pm

Guys are asses.
They avoid me cause I`m tall, I`m not skinny[ but I sure as hell ain`t fat], and am a hick.
The only boyfriend I`ve ever had, was named Brandon. We broke it off cause some bitch came between us and told me he cheated on every gf he had and is scared the shit out of me... he`s got a gf now who I think is cheating on him, and I miss him *cries*
leela,
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Re: Relationships

Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:50 am

    • i'm gonna try to make an effort to pm the people who have posted recently, since i don't want to just ask and not give anything in return c:

      anyway, i made friends (not close friends, i guess, but we get along really well) with a muslim girl at the beginning of the last school year. little by little, i learned how conservative her family is, and i was completely okay with it. i mean, why would you judge someone for their beliefs?
      and then i met her brother. we met because we were on the same committee for model un, and we helped eachother out a bit. after that, speaking and seeing him was such a hassle — he is a grade below me and a very busy kid outside of school. our schedules simply did not work. but when we did, i would get so weak in the knees and the feeling in my stomach was strong. i've had crushes before, but they were fairly mild. and i think summer only made it worse. i would send him messages on twitter (too shy to ask for his #/snapchat) when ramadan started and when it was eid, and i'd nearly melt when i saw he replied. i was so excited to start school to see if i could run into him a bit more, but that won't happen. why? he's going to attend an all-boys school now.
      now i don't know how to go about — pursing him? idk. i'm not sure if i should confess or stay quiet, as i also don't want to ruin my relationship with his sister, since she will still attend my school. how would i ruin it? well, being her younger brother, she has big hopes for him, one of them is to be married to a muslim girl. i realise i am not speaking of marriage, but this family takes these things seriously. he thinks a bit differently from them, which is why i assume they are having him go elsewhere, but being cuban, my family practices santeria (i don't really believe in it though). he has said he would not reject a girl for her religion or lack thereof, but his sister has said a muslim man may not be with anyone who is not jewish, christian, or muslim. and, apart from religion, there is a chance that he simply does not like me in the same way.
      it's insane how complicated it is. i was thinking maybe just asking for his number, or asking him to an event of some sort here — or just simply putting him behind. idk.
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