Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

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awakening souls.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send

Post by awakening souls. » Sat Jul 15, 2017 9:09 am

dear nala,

i miss you so much. i know you were just a cat and i know you were only 5 years old and i know you didn't mean that much to my family. i know all those things. but you meant so much to me. i don't think i realized it until now. i'm not worthy of peering over your ashes and shedding tears for what used to be your body, because i didn't show you all the attention i should have while you walked this earth. who can feel sorry for a girl who didn't even appreciate her companion until it died?

these five years have been so incredibly tough without you. i don't know why i didn't see it before, but you were always there to comfort me after a long day, always around to put a smile on my face. and now i plead on my knees for just five minutes with you, for just five minutes to run my fingers through your short, straggly fur, for five minutes to stroke your soft head. i took it for granted while you were alive - i took you for granted. my heart tightens every time i hear your name resurface in my head. i would give anything to have you back, here, in my arms, but god - or whoever the fucking hell is running this universe - won't listen to my pleas. i can't offer all the money i have for you. i can't offer my life for you. not even that is enough to save you from the cold realms of death. if i had known you were going to pass away three days before you went missing, let me tell you baby girl, i would've never let go of you. never. and now all i can think about is how to get you back.

i remember coming home that day, stepping off that city bus, crossing my fingers that mom had found you. you had gone missing just three days before. when you ran off, you always came home, so i thought that time would be no different, that my kitty cat new her way home. oh, you did, but you never made it home. i don't know what happened, but you let yourself get hit by a car...and i wasn't there to save you. that fucking idiot hit you. did he not see you? did you not see him? it doesn't matter anymore, you're still gone. but i always told myself something like that wouldn't happen to my family, that it couldn't. well it did. i remember mom had something to tell me, but i had to wait for kaleb to get home first. i waited eagerly, cluelessly playing mastermind on her bed, for my big brother to get home. and when he did, she told us everything. i wish that game of mastermind had lasted longer and that kaleb took more time to get home, because i dreaded the news. it still haunts me to this day.

i'm sorry i didn't let you sleep in my room. i'm sorry i didn't pet you enough. i'm sorry i didn't love you to my full ability... you know what they say, you don't know what you have until it's gone. if i could die for just a minute with you, i would gladly do so. unfortunately, that's not the way life works. for some reason, it favors death over its own self. much like me.

rest in peace, baby girl. hakuna matata in kitty heaven.


Last edited by awakening souls. on Mon Jul 17, 2017 6:49 am, edited 2 times in total.

caladrius-OLD
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mind rambles & nonsense

Post by caladrius-OLD » Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:29 pm

  • dear me,

    why are you like this?
    just... why?
    why can't you be normal?

    why don't you get help?
    why do you let other people tear you down?
    why does it matter so much to you what random strangers think about you?
    why is it so important to you to be acknowledged by people?
    why are you so envious of those around you, just because they're popular?
    why do you base your worth on what other people say or don't say about you?

    what happened to your confidence, anyway?
    of course you know the answer... but why do you still let it define you?
    the things they said and still say, they things they did and still do... they cut deep, i know
    but you would be so much happier if you could just... shrug it off, like you always pretend to do
    "i don't care what they say. let them talk about how ugly i am. how much of an outcast i am. how awkward i am"
    you say it, so... why can't you just listen to your own words and not give a shit?

    you want to build relationships. why don't you do it?
    because talking to people is hard?
    because you feel you're not worthy?
    because you fear that they'll ridicule and abandon you?
    because you always get rejected and ignored?
    because you'd rather be lonely than risk being hurt?
    because it gets so tiresome to talk to even your friends at times?
    ... because you're a fucking mess, incapable of building lasting relationships & managing your emotions?
    because you keep switching from one extreme to the other; going from loving to hating people within a second?
    there's so many reasons... why don't you try to fix any of them?

    i know that you want to go back to when you were younger
    the times where there was a genuine smile on your face in the pictures they took
    the times where you were confident and people actually looked up to you
    the times where you believed that you could inspire and help and do something for others
    but they're gone and you can't go back

    so why?
    why the fuck are you like this?
    why are you like this, when you know that you need to change to be happy?

    all you ever do is cry
    if crying could actually fix our problems, we would be the person we want to be already
    but it doesn't
    it just makes you more aware of how pathetic and weak we are

    i'm just... so tired of being this way
    of feeling this way
    of existing like this
    i want to change
    why can't i change?


    edit;;;

    i'm so sorry
    i did something stupid tonight
    i promised myself i would never do this to myself on purpose
    but i'm weak and pathetic
    please don't blame yourself
    i love you so much, more than you'll ever know
    i'm so happy to have you, but there's some demons that neither you, nor me can really fight
    i'm so sorry
    forgive me
no longer here, please go to my new account instead, thank you so much! <3

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original sin
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kinda multi-purpose

Post by original sin » Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:18 am

        • Dear ______,
      • This shouldn't be long.

        I loved you. I told you. And I'm certain that ages-old confession is part of the reason why your behavior changed and our relationship is strained. There are other reasons I won't list simply for the reason that thinking about them upsets me.
        I don't know what it is I did, or why everything had to change so drastically, or why it feels like you really don't want to be my friend despite promises you've made claiming we are. I miss how close we were. It hurts to think of what we were versus what we are now and how you hardly speak to me any longer.
        I miss when you would pull me close if I even showed the slightest suggestion that I was upset, or how you would hold me and celebrate with me when I got excited about anything. It feels, now, like those times mean nothing to you. Or if they do, it's why you won't speak to me. I try. But I rarely receive a response anymore.
        I'm sorry for anything I've ever done to hurt you, whatever it is. I'm sorry for confessing something I thought I would be safe enough to tell you. I'm sorry that you felt the need to distance yourself. I'm sorry you won't talk to me.
        I'm sorry I tried to help. To fix things.
        But most of all, I'm sorry you feel you've lost me.
        • Sincerely,
          Me

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Esspe
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send

Post by Esspe » Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:45 am

  • Dear parents,
    I don't leave the house much, so when you come home, I enjoy talking to you. It's not like I'm boring you with what happened during the day because I don't do much so there's not a lot to talk about. All I ask is that, when I'm talking, at least acknowledge my presence. Mom, specifically, put your fucking phone down. It's not often that I can have a conversation with you without having to look past the phone in your face. Dad, you don't even make eye contact with me when I do talk. I know I'm starting to become withdrawn, so I try to make an effort to stay out of my room from about 6pm-10pm. That way I can chat with you while you're still awake. You have no idea how much it sucks to be having a conversation and more often than not, I look back up anticipating your reply and you're doing whatever the fuck you do on your phone. I stare at you. You say "I was listening". No you weren't.
    Tonight, before I finally gave up and went back to my room, I was having a little chat about how I don't personally find either dolls or clowns scary unless they're put in a scary situation. I wasn't talking long and I wan't talking a ton. I looked up and saw that you were on your phone. After a couple seconds of me staring, you peeked up over the phone, confused as to why I was giving you that look. Then it was apparent that you weren't listening at all. I said "nice" and you said "___ deleted her instagram." I continued to stare - glare now - because you seriously have no care in the world for anything I talk about. You said "yeah yeah dolls, clowns, got it", not hearing how that must've sounded to me. To me, you didn't give a shit. This seems meaningless, but it's everyday.
    Acting like that makes me afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like an annoyance. It's apparently too much fucking effort to look up from your phone or away from the tv long enough to even acknowledge that I was talking. It's shit to know that your facebook friends or work friends are way more interesting to focus on than your own kid, sitting in the same room.
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sforzando.
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Post by sforzando. » Fri Jul 21, 2017 10:14 am

dear kelly,
it's been 5 months and a day since we put you down and it hasn't hurt any less
i'm pretty sure your ghost is roaming around our house now, and i honestly hope it is. (though it's not nice to scare us by banging on the back door or making my chair start turning suddenly, baby)
i'm sorry i let my calico stuffed animal fall under my bed and forget to pick it up, and when i saw maggie with her head on it asleep last night i haven't been able to stop crying. i dont think i've ever hurt more. she never got to know you but I always wonder if you convinced her to choose my dad at the animal shelter. i wish you'd have gotten to meet her. i think you two would've gotten along.
i miss coming home to you rolling over and wanting us to pet your belly. I'd give anything to have you run to the door one last time so i could drop everything and sit with you. now maggie does it occasionally and it's not the same. i miss you begging for brushes. i'm so sorry we ever yelled at you for wanting to be brushed. i haven't touched the brush since. i don't know how.
piper looked all over for you when we came home without you in february. i still don't think he understands where you went. he's become a lot more fearful of everything without you.
i carry you around with me on every trip i can. i was mocked for it on the band trip to utah but it had been three weeks since we put you down and i had to stay reminded of you.
i remember the picture my parents sent when they saw you at petsmart because they knew how much i wanted a calico. i remember buying you with my money in third grade. i remember keeping you in my room the next three days to let nicholas get accustomed to your smell. and i still remember how your fur felt when we put you down.
you were my first and only baby girl, and no cat i'll ever have will ever deserve such a title.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Post by RockyWorld » Wed Jul 26, 2017 2:44 pm

You properly didn't notice then. How much I was hurt and alone. It was a hard time for me. I was battling a depression. I was always battling and all you did back then was to ask me to shut up and leave even though I showed all signs on I wanted you to say something else. Like asking wtf was wrong. Today is it 2 years ago. More or less. You complained so much about everything in your life and yet I stuck by your side with you calling me ugly names, but you found out, I was stuck around because I saw your pain, you just didn't see mine. You called me noob, idiot, bitch and bastard and told me to fuck off, but as the time did go did you open up. You asked me why I stuck around and I told you: "Because no one else wanna hang out with you... Your anger issues scares everyone away..." and we two became a team. We won so many fights, us two alone on a team against four. it was fun times but you got angry... told me to leave...

Nearly 1 1/2 year went before you talked to me again. You gave me a chance again and I was happy... but never... did we hang out again... because we both were each our place in life. The game didn't interest me anymore. I had found a new group of people I laughed with. You... you are still alone and it hurts me to say goodbye... once we were best friends... but as time goes, and I don't have a depression anymore, have I learned that some people are not always worth keeping in your life. But who knows... maybe one day we can talk again...

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// waking up

Post by noceurro » Thu Jul 27, 2017 2:37 am

  • I'm not really sure who or what this is directed at considering I don't believe in a single god, not anymore at least. You failed in breaking me, you miserable fuck. I have faced trial after trial that has tested my soul, my patience, my kindness and I'm worn so thin on playing the good cop- but that's the beauty about this- I don't have to be tired anymore. This game doesn't interest me any longer. Why should I let fate take the reins? She doesn't get to decide what happens here forward, I do. Because in the end, they were right- the only thing we should fear is fear itself.

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spring.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Post by spring. » Fri Jul 28, 2017 7:00 pm

  • my darling parents,

    ----> hey, guys. i know we just moved here. i know i don't know anybody. i know you're scared. but i need to be able to leave whenever. please just let me out of the house. i hate being cooped up here all day long. and it's not fair that you make me stay in the house and then yell at me for not doing anything. there's only so many times i can clean my room and the kitchen and the bathrooms. there's only so many times i can look at the same walls. please please please stop smothering me.

    i am nineteen years old. let me live. the only reason i listen to you is because everything i own is in your name. but you have got to let me out. you have got to let me meet people. i'm not going to die. do you not understand how careful i am? i check their facebooks, their instagrams, and if they don't have a snapchat i block them. if i get a bad feeling about meeting them, i turn around and go somewhere else.

    i trust my gut and you two raised me right. nothing is going to happen to your little girl. i swear. i'm just trying to get out and meet people. i like to go out but i can't go anywhere if i don't have friends. so please let me out. please let me go places without a supervisor. i'm not twelve. you can look out for me without making me feel tiny.

    i love you both. i promise. i'm not going to leave you to elope with some dude the first chance i get... though sometimes it doesn't sound so bad.

    thanks, y'all
    your daughter
  • dear r___,

    -----> sweet heart. i am one of those girls who is really sensitive. so when you spend all night talking to me then you talk to me a little bit in the morning and then you ghost me all day i get really upset. i've already told you i hate thinking i upset someone. and when you're not talking to me all day i feel like i've made you mad. and then there's the times that you act like you want me to come see you but then when i ask you to come out, you don't leave or you say you can't... but you're at home doing nothing. you say you're just as bored as me and then when i can hang, you don't want to do anything. i just don't get it.

    you're sending me mixed signals and it's really confusing. i mean i'm about on the verge of giving up. let's just keep the snap streak and not talk otherwise. that's the point i'm at and i hate being to that point. i really really do hate not talking to people for a stupid reason that i've already sort of discussed with you. i've already told you how much i enjoy talking to you. i just don't get it.

    i mean if you wanna figure this out then please, let's figure it out. i'm just not in the mood to have a half-assed one-sided friendship with someone. so please make a decision on what you'd like to do with me. so i can move on if i need to or keep on trying to form whatever this is with you. please just be straight with me, darling. please.

    thanks, doll face.
    your local whatever i am.

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thunderofthebun
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Post by thunderofthebun » Tue Aug 01, 2017 2:16 pm

Dear ____,

You can’t do that and expect someone to just get over it. I know you are grateful I still talk to you, but what is it they say? Fool me once…


Dear ____,

I wish you would actually try to be the person you want to be. He needs that from you, more than you can possibly know.


Dear ____,

How can I be better at this and take on more responsibility if I’m never given the tools I need? The communication is lacking and different people tell me different things, and the vibe is somewhat cliqueish which is incredibly unprofessional. There is money to spend on things we don’t need, but suggestions I’ve had that could actually improve how things are done and how we handle things, that is apparently not in the budget or not worth spending on. Plus, those ‘in charge’ lack knowledge on some important topics and no one wants to do the research or listen to those who have tried to educate themselves. I won’t last forever.


Dear ____,

I used to know you. Back before you were ‘adventurous’. Yes, you could done some impressive and incredible things; I won’t deny that. I even admire it. But you do them for the wrong reasons - you do them to impress people, to be able to tell the stories later. You wanted to hold the grasshopper and practically kiss it - only because we were taking pictures, and then insisted I send said pictures right away. Within the day it was on your IG, showing what a great time you had and how interesting you are. You feel that your life is only as good as the cool stories you can tell, and that makes me sad for you. I know one big adventure required perseverance and determination, and I think it was a really great experience for you, but the way you talk about it.. It makes me want to walk away from the conversation. You busy yourself only with things that will make a good story later, rather than doing things for the sake of doing them.
Obey the rules or walk the plank.

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MajorPoland
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Post by MajorPoland » Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:24 pm

Dear M,

You are a good friend because you accept me like I am. You expect not to be judged and so you don't judge. You earned a whole lot of trust from my side. I do not even really know why I trust you this much and I hope that you are not going to use it. I believe in you, that you won't. The way we write and talk to each other is something I have not experienced in a long time. You treat my respect and see more than my insecurities and problems. The more time I spend with you, the more I feel like that there is nothing I have to be afraid of. It feels like I have a choice. You made me a great offering, and for the first time in my life, I was brave enough to accept that offer. It felt weird at first but I am sure it was the right choice. However, there are doubts of a different kind growing in my heart. What if I can't keep the promise that I have given to you? What if I will feel more towards you than us being just friends? I know that this will not be healthy for either of us. But I am a lonesome person and you are giving me attention. There have been days already when I felt that you are the only person on earth who understands me. You are listening to me, no matter what I have to say. But this numb pain in my side that tells me that there is never going to be more than friendship is... it is terrible. I don't want there to be more just now. I hope that there will be more in the future but I know that you would not like it like that, you have told me that and I respect this but this is tearing me apart. On the one hand, I wish there could be more in the future but on the other hand, I do not want to lose you because I exactly know that it will not work because I am not the person for relationships.
And yet, I am immensely glad that I got to know you. I can already consider you one of my best friends and one of the most awesome friendships I have ever had. And I hope that it will stay like that. I hope that my heart will learn to accept things how they are but I also hope that this friendship will never become less. Not due to time or distance or different opinions on different things. You already know a lot about me and my past and the things I have been through. You know a lot more about me than most people who know me longer in their life do. You have faith in me, that I will become the great person you see within me. And I am incredibly thankful for that. You are a great person, not only because we have a great relationship but simply because you are you.
I need to learn to love you in a different way than I am about to do because that would only mean tears and stress.

Love,
Major

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