Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

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Yellow Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Mon Dec 03, 2018 5:21 pm

Dear Granny,

I should send you a letter. In all these 80 years of your life, I've been so selfish. Never even sending you a single letter or even writing one to give you in person. I am such a horrible grand child. But I know you love your Kaylabug. In other news, I wish you could accept your diagnosis. I've heard through the grape vine that you said they're "trying to give you cancer *again*", which clearly indicates to me that you've heard a thing or two about this in the past.. But now, you're far too old and far too frail and weak for any kind of chemo. Granny, I hate watching your health deteriorate like this. I wish I could live with you and care for you, but sadly, I am thousands of miles away. I wish I could tell you how much I hate my dad, and all of the awful things he's done to mom and my little buddy. It irks me that you believe he is just such an angel. But you deserve to pass on without bearing knowledge that your grand children and grand child (my mom) was seemingly happy (on the outside).

With sorrow-filled thoughts,
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White Belt
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i'm sorry i've never told you

Tue Dec 11, 2018 5:36 am

    • to papa,
      i thought about calling you the other day. i wasn't sure what inspired it, but i heard your name come up in an idle conversation, and suddenly i couldn't remember the last time we spoke. but i got busy that day, forgot about it. god, how i regret that.
      you have cancer. you may very well be dying. i don't think it's really hit me until this moment.
      i didn't find out until yesterday. and even then i guess i was just,, numb? you've always been there. and i can't imagine a time without you there. i can't imagine a world where i wake up and your number isn't in my phone anymore because it got too painful to look at. or a world where i can't hear your laugh anymore, or hear you complaining about how the cats always fall asleep on you, even though you love those little devils to death. because even when we go weeks, months without talking, i've always just,, known that you were a phone call away.
      you called me today. around lunchtime. and i knew what you wanted to talk about. i didn't want to talk about that. so instead, i filled the line with idle chatter - i heard it snowed up there. how bad was it? i'm buying a car soon. i hope you'd be proud of me. and you answered all my questions. you told me about how memaw jokes about tossing the cats into the snow just to see how they'd react. if you noticed that my voice got watery and choked, you didn't point it out.
      and then you told me. you asked me if i had heard about what's going on. and i tried to stay strong, because i don't want you to know how terrified i am of losing you. and maybe you were trying to reassure me, but you told me it would all be alright, and you told me what the doctor said, and you told me you'd call again soon. and you told me you love me.
      and the second you hung up, i guess i fell apart. i didn't realize i was crying, but my cheeks were wet and my nose was running, and i was clutching my phone to my chest like it was the last thing holding me together.
      i don't want to lose you. i can't. papa, you're the only thing that's kept me going.
      i can't lose you.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Tue Dec 11, 2018 6:41 am

dear dad,
where'd you go. we were talking and you just disappeared. I haven't talk to you since my birthday. then you just disappeared. I really miss you dad. I'm having such a hard time, aside from my break up with r I can't even think straight. I just need you so I can talk to you. I want to tell you everything, like how my new school is and about my new friends. but you're not here. please call or text me.

love your oldest kid.
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Cᴏᴍᴍᴀɴᴅᴇʀ Sʜᴇᴘᴀʀᴅ
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Thu Dec 13, 2018 6:23 pm

Hidden text.
    • To the person I thought was my best friend,
      How fucking inconsiderate of me. Everything is my fault, isn't it? It's my fault my cat had a seizure, my fault that you had to keep her in your room - which you did yourself, mind you, my fault that she kept you up all night because she is used to free-roaming the house. How fucking inconsiderate of me to wake you up when I got home from a grueling 12-hour shift - constantly worrying, having multiple breakdowns and crying in front of 500+ inmates who all laughed and jeered at me - just so I could get some information to relay to the vet to be as accurate as possible. How fucking inconsiderate of me.

      A big fuck me, right? But let me fucking get this out there. If it had been your dog that had a seizure, and you were working a 12-hour shift with no possible way to come home because 'it's just an animal', I would have been understanding. I would understand that your dog is your baby just as much as my cat is mine. I would have stayed up all night with her, making sure she was okay until you got home, and you're goddamn right I wouldn't have been a complete BITCH when you asked me questions about what happened. Even if I got no sleep, even if she whined and cried all night long because she was locked up in a room that wasn't hers, even if I had to work the following day. Get your fucking priorities straight, because this is the final fucking straw. If my cat has to get put down, you can bet your ass this letter will fucking come to you right from my lips, and you can bet your fucking ass I will chew you up and spit you right the fuck back out. I cannot believe how much of a cunt you've been to me today, on possibly the worst day of my life. So here's to you, a big fuck you. I may act timid and shy away from confrontation, but fucking believe me when I say that I will turn around and bite when provoked, and you just pissed off the wrong motherfucker today.
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Yellow Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:15 pm

miss you, sin. miss everything. but that's okay.
i'm okay.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Tue Jan 01, 2019 10:10 pm

to a person i've called one of my best friends for almost six years now, why? out of all the moments that haunt me the most, it's the moment of our shared friend trying to comfort me as i cried in the club's bathroom, and you walking in and just snapping at me. snapping at me for crying over something i didn't want to happen. literally saying "i don't feel any sympathy" while i wanted to die. yes, i was wasted. yes, i was wearing "provocative" clothes. didn't mean i wanted any of what happened. didn't mean i wanted 2019 to start off like that. didn't mean i asked the man to do this to me.

when that friend brought me home, i wasn't even crying my eyes out over what had happened anymore. but because i "ruined your night". because you were mad at me because of what had happened. because i love all of my friends, including you, so fucking much, and you spitting in my face how you don't feel sorry for me and how i ruined your new year's celebration fucking hurt. it devastated me more than anything else that happened.

you didn't even send me a message today. didn't ask how i felt. if everything is alright. and, you know what? fuck you. i'm so tired of always being there for you, i'm tired of letting you cry on me, i'm tired of always assuring you that i'm not mad and that you could never ruin what was suppose to be a fun event. like the time you invited your ex to our shared birthday party and we ended up paying to get into a club we were at for like 30 minutes because you two fought and you started crying.

if that's how you're gonna treat me, then just... fuck off. what the fuck to be honest. and i thought i was a horrible friend.
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Yellow Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:16 am

  • Tired of being replaced.
    Someone who is beginning to not care anymore
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lagikor fang
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:16 pm

Dear manager,

are you actually smoking crack?

I dont want to come in. On my day off. For another 12 hour shift. After I just got done doing a month of them.

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digital witness
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Tue Jan 15, 2019 8:20 pm

    • today marks exactly three years without you. i know things were rough between us those last few months; i know we both said and did things we wish we could've taken back... i know i did. i'm still angry with you. i'm angry for what you did to us - for what you did to yourself... but mostly i'm just sad. i'm sad at what could've been and what, now, will never come to be. i'm sad that you felt so utterly hopeless. and i'm sad that i was too caught up in my own grief to try and help you.

      i loved you. i know that you knew that and i know that you loved me back even though we did a shit job of showing it. i'd give anything for one more day with you. you understood me like no one else did; i only wish i could've understood what you were going through before it ended like this. i wish you would've told me, but then again i wasn't the best sister to you in those final months, was i? i keep thinking i'll wake up from this... that one day everything will return to normal and our family will feel whole again. i'm still trying to cope with the idea of moving forward without you. i'll get there eventually, i guess.

      i love you. i'm sorry i didn't tell you that while you were still here.
      rest easy.
─────────────────────────────────────────────────xxxLADY LUCK, TAKE THE WHEEL
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White Belt
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my boy

Mon Jan 21, 2019 3:18 am

ha. you want me to write a letter that i'll never send? try me.

well, I guess I'll start with: it's been a pretty rough past year. but I've gotten through it. we've gotten through it. I really miss you right now, but I know you're playing cards with your family and that you'll call me later and I know that I love you. And I miss you and I hope I'll see you tomorrow. I really hope I will. And I just keep thinking about how it would be like if we broke up when it had gotten hard. That day that I thought I went insane. But I need to stop thinking about that kind of thing. I'm getting way better at focusing on the present now, too! I don't talk to you much about my progress because you see me every day but still. I'm getting SO much better. I feel better. A little more satisfied than before. I used to think that I'd never be satisfied. Like that Hamilton song. But it's slowly changing.

Tonight, I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love on an illegal streaming site. It was really... you'd probably judge me. It was really good. Well, it wasn't really but I did cry at the end like one of those typical white girls. Except I'm not white and I don't usually cry during rom coms. Maybe I'll get my period next week. I don't know. I hope I do because that was out of the ordinary.

I had a good day today. It was productive. I hope yours was as well. I really miss you. I don't know what you'd say if you knew I posted this on the internet. I might not tell you. I probably won't. It's not you I'm writing personal things about, it's me. So really, if you had a problem, I don't know. I'd take it down and delete my account if you had a problem with it. Though, I don't think you would but sometimes there are things you have a problem with that I wouldn't expect, but then I learn to expect it from you. I learn and apply things with you. See, I'm getting better.

Yeah, yeah, I know it used to be really bad and I'd keep saying "I'm getting better!" but I wasn't. Yeah. Maybe I should find another saying. Like, "I'm proceeding" I don't know. That sounds fucking stupid now. Anyway, if you were to find out that I posted this and if you did happen to be upset, I'd delete it. On second thought, maybe I should just never post it. Not like anyone will ever read it. Maybe some random person on the thread but I don't think it's so important.

In conclusion, I love you. And I'm proceeding. And I love you.
You're the best.

PS I remember when I used to go on threads like these on other forum sites and just go at it and call people out from my real life and just spill everything. I'm still doing it, but it's happy. It's good. It's about someone I love and respect and it's finally not about my life falling apart. I'm proceeding.
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