Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

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Durnehviir
Blue Belt
Posts: 630
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Location: The boring ol' East Coast
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Mon Jul 16, 2018 6:58 pm

Drug and suicide warming.
  • Dear boop,
    My brother. My boop. My closest friend. I knew, we all knew, everybody knew. We all knew you were struggling with demons. You had to pay child support to that women, you had to worry about paying off your fines, you worried about your std and then you got a dui, and it wasn’t alcohol. Everybody knew you were a user. We tried to get you help in the past but you refused. You didn’t want it. You said you could get clean on your own. Heroin users can’t get clean by themselves. Over time you need more and more, and it will consume you. It did, consume you. You felt you had nobody, but you actually had everybody. Instead you took the easy way out, but you made it more difficult for everybody else. Why. You always came to me, for everything. Why didn’t you come to me now? Why did you think you were alone when all you had to do was call me. Come see me. Anything. I wish I would’ve gotten to see you one last time before you wrote your note. Before you laid down for the last time. Before you closed your eyes knowing you would never open them again. I miss you Damian. I miss my boop. My wonderful, kind, caring brother, that I will never see again. I will never hear your voice or your laugh again. Your laugh was infectious. You could make anybody laugh. You were such a kind person but your demons took control. I’m slightly relieved to know that you’re in a better place now. Your demons are gone and you are finally at peace. I just wish you wouldn’t have left your two young boys here alone. Me alone.. our mom. We found out on her birthday. Your death rocked her to the core. She doesn’t know how to accept that you’re gone. I wish you were still here boop. You were my best friend.. I could always ask you questions and you would never judge me for them.
    I could write a book about you Damian. But my eyes are so blurry it’s getting hard to see my keyboard. I want you to know, we all love you. Mom, Gram, Tina, me, lily, and your two little boys. I know you will fade from their memory but we will keep you alive in them for as long as we possibly can.
    We will get a proper goodbye on Thursday. I can’t promise that I won’t cry, because you know that I will. Until we meet again boop.
    See you, love you, bye.
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ichor.
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Tue Jul 24, 2018 1:10 am

Hidden text.
  • dear dad,

    if you're doing what i think you're doing, again, i really fucking hate you. i don't think you know i know about the last time, or if anything, you have a suspicion that i know. it is absolute, pure fucking bullshit if you're pulling this shit again and i wish i could call you out on it. i wish i could. and of course, you're being even more careful about it because you were caught the last time. i feel sick thinking about the fact that you've possibly started up again and all i can do is remember how bad that time was. fuck you if you're actually starting up again.

    sincerely,
    your daughter
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Kael
Silver Belt
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House: Halcyon

Sun Jul 29, 2018 9:04 pm

Hidden text.
I wish you could believe us,
realize that the words we tell you are not false hope.
It pains me to see you like this.
Once you were so strong, but now you are falling.
While you are busy climbing back up, it is scary to see you this afraid of the unknown.
I've been telling you that things will be okay.
That I will be at your side the whole way, amongst others.

Please do not feel like a burden, because you are anything but.
It is your happiness I care about, and I will do whatever needed.
I'm sorry that at times things become too much for me.
I'm sorry that at times I have a flight response.
It is just, that it hurts me so damn much to see you like this.

Please, remember. Please, realize.
It's gonna be okay.
We will work this out.
Together, as we are supposed to be.

Don't give up,
Don't give up the fight before it started because you are afraid to lose.
That's how you will end up losing, and I don't want that.

I love you.
I'm here for you.
We'll be okay. We've been through so much.
This hurdle we can beat too.
I promise.

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~SongOfFlames~
Blue Belt
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House: Vipera

Tue Jul 31, 2018 7:44 am

Image xx
*(Don't read this if sensitive material makes you uncomfortable.Don't pm me about this. Let me breathe.)
Hidden text.


I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired of it all. I fought. I fought so damn hard. I did. I really did.

I fought all odds. Nobody believed in me in the very beginning. They didn't think that I was capable of doing anything because genetics decided to fuck me. Look. Look at me. Are you looking at me now? Do you regret what you have said to me now? I bet you do. I hope that every child with a disability can look up to me now. That there is hope. That you can do anything. Fuck those people that say you can't. A mother with a child that has the same disability as I do had cried two weekends ago because I shared my story.

It brings her hope that he too can achieve anything. God bless you, wherever you are. I hope for the very best in your future.

I don't give up. I've always been a fighter. Though, not all wars can be won. Sometimes, we soldiers, lose our battles. But that's okay. I accept it. I'm fine with it. You won't be. I know you won't be. You say that I have been on this road for too long to give up now. You plucked at the strings as if I was your little marionette to manipulate my actions. Why do I prefer to be alone instead of others? Why am I not the social butterfly fluttering around as you are? Because you made me that way. You controlling, manipulative assholes. You robbed me of so many things. Now, it's my turn.

Have you ever seen Game Of Thrones? How everyone dons a mask with a beautiful smile and a plastered genuinity, only for their true intentions to be quite the opposite? I can be your Cersei. You had only but a taste of it. I bite. Be careful where you tread, because I can be one nasty bitch. Try me. I fucking dare you.

Everything shall change from this point on. I'm tired of being manipulated in this cute little play you have going on here. I'm going my own way. I'm no longer fulfilling another's dream. This is my life. Not yours. So be it if I am the villian in your story. I've heard I look good in wine burgundy, red painted lips, and black leather. Someone told me recently that I resembled a Bond girl. Oh, so beautiful yet deadly. I like the sound to that.You like to point out my flaws. You do.

You got jealous when you saw the change in me. You kept making these remarks and rude commentary when I didn't do a thing to you to deserve such treatment.You said I looked "unhealthy" and "that can't be a healthy weight". Real funny, that you yanked the "Skinny Menu" when we went out to eat and said "You don't need to look at that". I'm sorry? Do you have a doctorate's degree? I didn't think so. I'll wait as you pull up a blog on Google to source some bullshit to spew.I look and feel better than I ever did. P.S. The doctor said it was a healthy range. I can't say the same with you,honey. Good Lord. You must be miserable to pick on someone less than half your age. How does it feel? Does it feel good? Does it fill that black pit in your heart? Does it bring you joy? I bet it does. It's the only entertainment you get with your deprived lifestyle.

From this point on, I'm going on my own path. A little late, I know. It is better than never. It is better than years from now when I look back with regret for the things that I didn't do. And so what if I screw up somewhere inbetween? You have made plenty of mistakes. You are far from perfect.

I'm sorry, G, that you have the inability to take off the rose-colored glasses off to see your real world. I scream. I cry. I bash my fists on the wall. I contemplated on ending my own life. Nothing that I will ever say, nor the words coming from others saying the same exact things, shall phase you. Maybe now, you will listen.

I'm sorry, A. A zebra can't change his stripes. Neither shall you.You don't have any balls. You can never say things in my face, but you hide behind that phone of yours and send some real asswipe texts. Who's got your balls? K? Maybe you had none in the beginning. You just love running to G about the times I stood up myself, and making me a villian. Want some chalk because you like to play the victim so much? I can buy you some chalk. P.S. K is just using you for your money. Seriously. She saw a man with a house, car, and money. She's probably waiting for you to kick the bucket.

I'm sorry, K. You miserable bitch. I don't regret anything that I have done and am about to do. You are so fake. You are just playing a role to make A happy after I made you look like a giant idiot that one night.Sorry not sorry. A shame that after I exposed you for who you really are, that they forgot about it after a couple of days and you tried to make amends with me. That's not how it works. I will never forgive you for tormenting and bullying me. Let's see how long you last when you swim with sharks such as myself.


I'm cutting the chord with my lovely and shiny set of shears. This is good bye. I'm so sorry that I waited this long to do this. They were so right. I should have done it sooner.

I'm doing things my way.




Last edited by ~SongOfFlames~ on Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:26 am, edited 2 times in total.
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lalli
Blue Belt
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Tue Jul 31, 2018 8:13 am

Hidden text.

  • i don't know why i wrote this, maybe it's just inspo from seeing a picture too relatable after scrolling on twt for a while: “i don’t know if we’re not friends anymore because we haven’t talked in a month and at this point im too afraid to ask if we still are or if it’s my fault for not trying harder” combined with the anxiety that just kept growing because i never tried to say anything and im really sad over the fact that i suck at being a friend and that i've realized all i've been was a greedy bitch this entire time but,, it's night and ive been left to my own devices and fallen to patrick star level of thought

    i'm really sorry. i'm sorry i couldn't keep contact with you, i'm sorry that i suck at conversations and responding to things that should be so easy to just read and send a quick reply to. i don't know what's been getting to me, making it so hard to send a nice message asking how you've been, but every single time i looked at the empty message box it was just a painful reminder that i really didn't deserve the people i talked with and once laughed for hours or minutes with. i treasured every single time i saw the notification, i loved being able to laugh and smile over something you sent, i felt giddy every single time i made others laugh.

    i'm sorry i made empty promises, that i faked myself as someone that would be a good friend. i never truly was a good friend now that i think about it, i must have been someone really hard to talk to actually. i honestly can't rememeber if i even made anyone happy, i wish i did and i hope that there's at least one message you can look back on as a fond memory, but i really don't deserve to take up precious room in your hearts or minds. i'm sorry i was so selfish and flawed, speaking only when interested, wanting to show off something cool or just what i thought was relevant to not your interest, but my own. looking back, i really was never a good friend.

    i wish i could reach out, ask casually how was your day, and once again greet you hoping that you had a good day but i know we all left off on awkward notes. i suppose it's fot the best, my words probably being something that would hurt instead but i sincerely hope you all have someone in your life that wishes you're having a good day, and that they can be someome that is able to listen and comfort you when all you can think of is how lonely the night is. i'm sorry i didn' do a lot if any of that. i really wanted to be brave, but at the fear that i was only annoying and clingy, i feigned away from doing anything to try and bring us to terms. i left us all off on just disappointment i guess, but i really hope it provides you with a lot of freedom, that you won't feel pressured to act happy just because i sent you a message hoping you were or something of your interest that i thought would make you happy when really i should've listened. thank you for being there for me, thank you for being someone i was able to smile and laugh with, thank you for showing me songs and music that i never heard, thank you for making me strive to think more and extend my knowledge for, thank you for being you and existing, i'm so glad i was able to meet you. i'm sorry i never tried so hard, i really wish we could've left off on better notes rather than a killing silence that probably left both of us disappointed. i wish i tried harder.
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ichor.
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Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:19 am

Hidden text.
dear ___,

i'm sorry that you're suffering so much. i really hate seeing it. i hate seeing you cry. it makes me cry and now that i'm sitting alone, i can't stop crying because i feel so bad. i want to do something, but i don't know what. i don't think there's really anything i can do except be there and listen. and offer support. i hate that you feel so hopeless. i hate that you're depressed and there's nothing that can really be done for it. i'm sorry for the times i lose my patience and for the times i get offended, even when you're just joking or saying something that's supposed to benefit me. i'm sorry that i make you think twice about whether or not you should say something to me or not.

i know you say that all that i can do and all that you want me to do is study and do well. get settled with a good, stable job so that i can support myself. but i want to do something for you now. i want you to feel better. i don't want you to be lonely. i hate thinking about it. i think about the future sometimes and i wonder what you'll do once i'm gone. forget about my brother, he's pretty much gone anyways. he's never around. he spends all his time upstairs, playing his games. and he's so fucking rude. to you and me. i want you to make friends and have hobbies and find things to pass your time with, other than sitting at home and watching tv. i know you don't feel like it and i know you don't have any motivation for anything or any interest in anything, but...you should. you should splurge a little. if you'd let me, i'd spend the money for you. i have it saved up and i know you hate when i say that.

i just...wish i could do something. i wish i could take back that year everything went to shit with him. i wish i could take away all those bitter, hurtful memories. i wish i could take back all the hurtful things he's said, the things he's implied and accused you of through those implications.

you're not a bad person. you say that you're probably are because everyone seems to dislike you, but you're not a bad person. you do everything you can for everyone, even if you don't particularly like them. you try so much and i don't blame you for being tired and giving up. but even then, you don't fully give up. i wish people would see that.
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salt
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Location: asgard
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Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:51 pm

    • Hidden text.
      this is just to me, or rather- the present me.
      i know this vacation is a bust, i know, but it’s almost over. you won’t be made fun of anymore about your hair that you were so proud of, nor will you be teased until earth’s end. it won’t hurt when we leave early monday morning. you’ll get to fly home, and just rest... write... and relax.
      you won’t have to sit in a room and fester with awful, awful emotions anymore. just take a deep breath and relax.
      you’ll be home soon, and if you break down (somehow and someway) just remember that there’s a tomorrow! it’ll be a new day with new experiences. just breathe hun.

      love,
      yourself??? maybe someone better.
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here for a good time not a long time
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sylver
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Location: in hell with my tatica
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Sun Aug 12, 2018 10:22 pm

Hidden text.
  • to "bad place" me,

    the completely unexpected ones that come out of nowhere are always the worst, i know. i suppose you could have taken your unwillingness to talk to pretty much anyone as of late as a sign, or the fact that you've been sleeping more and more without ever feeling rested, but i know, it's hard to really see them as proper signs that it's getting bad. after all, we are a procrastinating piece of garbage most of the time, and other than "being lazy", there really wasn't anything that pointed towards it getting bad again.

    but, here we are, with this hint of sadness that we figured was an actual sign that it's getting bad... getting worse and worse with every word we type. i know it fucking hurts. but it's a bit different. it's getting very bad very fast, but somehow, this tiny voice of reason, me, i'm still here. despite the fact that our chest hurts, despite the fact that we're nauseous and about ready to throw up, despite the fact that we're barely chocking back tears, despite the fact that we're struggling to even breathe, i'm still here.

    i know we want someone to talk to. someone who will just let us rest our head in their lap, someone who will just sit there for hours while we cry or sleep or just stare off into space. but telling our friends we're not okay, and actually asking them for help are two entirely different things, i know.

    yet i can tell you that it's gonna be okay, eventually. just try to get back out of the darkness. it's bad now, but it's gonna be better again. do what you have to. cry until your eyes burn and your head hurts. listen to that edgy, shitty music. try to limit your social interactions so you don't burn out completely. hug dreamy for an hour. wear that damn rubber band around the wrist, in case it get's bad bad. most importantly, take care of yourself first. gods know we always want to make sure everyone else is okay, but we can't do that if we don't get better first. if there's one thing we both know, it's that the "everyone else is more important" route is just going to ruin us within a few days at most.

    just take it easy. you're important. you're loved. just like good place me - good place us. you have so many reasons to fight this.

    love,

    your own voice of reason
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Ella Bear
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Posts: 386
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House: Unsorted

Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:08 pm

To my grandparents,

I am sorry that I am not who you wanted me to be. I am sorry that I have a disability that limits my ability to do the things you would like me to do. I am sorry I depend on a service dog, and that he embarrasses you. I am sorry that you are embarrassed to take me out in public, because I have a service dog. All I have ever wanted was for you to treat me like the rest of the family. For you to understand the struggle I go through on a daily basis. I wish you could be in my shoes and understand my pain, the agony, the humiliation that I go through. I try my best, and it seems like it still isn't good enough for you. All I have ever wanted was for you to be proud of me, to love me like you love your other grandchildren. To invite me to your house, watch movies with me, go swimming with me like you do with everyone else. My entire life I grew up trying to win your love over, to show you that I am worth it. I pushed myself into social settings that I never felt comfortable being in. I apologize that my anxiety is so bad that I don't have the nerve to tell you all this stuff. You say you love me, but I highly doubt it. You don't call me, you don't ask how I am doing. The only time I hear from you is when you like something I post on facebook. You didn't call me, text me or even send me a card on my birthday this year. Why? Why is my cousin Riley more important than me? Why does he get all of your love? Why does he get to spend time with you? Why do you go to his basketball games, his graduations, his birthdays. But you never went to any of mine. I am finally done. I have given up. I love you guys deeply, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. But I am tired of trying to win over your love when there is nothing I can do. I hope one day you guys will see where I am coming from. You will accept me for who I am, and you will see that I am trying my best. I didn't choose to have a disability. It hurts me when you tell me that I am physically fine. I am sure to you I look fine from the outside. My disability is invisible though, and you should know that. You have known that. Sometimes I feel like you have given up on loving me, and there are so many days I feel like giving up on loving you back. I hope that you are proud that I have a full time job, that I have a degree, that I am continuing to learn and get another degree. I hope that one day I will make you proud and that you will finally accept me.
Until then, I will no longer visit. I will no longer try to contact you, because you don't contact me back. I am done trying with you.
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    "ⓘⓜ ⓑⓔⓘⓝⓖ ⓢⓣⓐⓛⓚⓔⓓ ⓑⓨ ⓟⓡⓔⓖⓝⓐⓝⓣ ⓦⓞⓜⓔⓝ!"
    - ⓓⓡ.ⓐⓓⓓⓘⓢⓞⓝ ⓜⓞⓝⓣⓖⓞⓜⓔⓡⓨ
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