Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

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White Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Tue Jun 11, 2019 5:06 am

    • its been over two years and some days i still struggle. its been two years since i managed to get the courage to finally leave you behind but you still fucking haunt me. its been two years and i still can't look at myself in the mirror some days. its been two years and i still can't open up to anyone. its been two years and i still can't stop apologizing for everything i do.
      i want to feel like myself again.
      i'm so tired of feeling like this.
      just go away.
Orange Belt
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Sun Jun 16, 2019 3:52 am

    • you,

      i don’t even know how long it’s been since the last time we talked. about four years maybe? you broke my heart into pieces and i still find myself thinking about what i did wrong and what would have happened if you had came back to me. but the more i think about it the more i see what a terrible person you were to take advantage of me. by then end i was just being used for sex. i wasted nine months loving you. another four wasted of being dragged along, being told i still love you while you slept with some other girl. i was always your second choice.

      i can still feel you, you know.. i can still feel your hands, hugs, kisses. your energy. fuck it just fucks me up knowing that it was all fake in the end. i know that it was. i know you got bored of me. that hurts. i was just an object after a while. i wasn’t a person. my feelings didn’t matter to you. that’s why you slept with her right? you wanted to when you actually loved me, too. in fact you told me that. but me being a little lost puppy, i didn’t see the red flags. you shamed me for liking the things that i did. told me it was disgusting. i cried a lot that night.

      dude you really fucked me up. once i was free from you and i knew it was truly over, it was the worst pain i had ever felt. not just because you left me. it was because all i did was love you and stay faithful. you literally torn my heart out of my chest. i was eighteen and you were my first serious relationship. you took everything from me. you were a first for a lot of things. i felt betrayed and alone. i felt like i wasn’t enough to keep around.

      but hey! three more years and i will have a body that has never touched you. i’m now happy where i am and happy that i will finally be cleansed of you. i’m happy with the man i’m gonna marry. he actually cares about me.

      i hope you are satisfied. i really do. i really do hope you changed, too. hopefully your ego has deflated.. maybe we could talk again? or i could get everything off my chest and finally be completely done with you. whatever happens, i want you have a good life but i want karma to get you for everything you have done to me.

      after everything, i still want you to go fuck yourself. have a wonderful life.

      -me. i still have so much hatred for you. no more tears though. fuck that.
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White Belt
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Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:12 am

    • to —,
      if i had known that was the last time you were going to say that you loved me, i would’ve said it back.
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Fri Jul 12, 2019 12:40 pm

    • removed
Yellow Belt
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House: Vipera

Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:14 am

    • i've been bouncing back-and-forth with this idea in my head since your relationship ended. we had it great when it was good, and frustrating when it wasn’t. we done everything right just for it to crumble — not all at once but slowly, painfully. i want to take the blame for it all even though, i’m still not sure it was entirely my fault but a collaborative lack of understanding and effort. i do, however, take the blame on myself because i was the one who detached. i became too in my head and that thickened the wall between us which ... already created its own problems during the early stages of our downfall.

      but, here i am again. we are friends like we never missed a beat. here i am again, thinking about you in ways which isn’t so terrible. i don’t want what i did before, the physical aspect — i mean, yes of course i don’t want the distance but i focused too much on a physical connection, that i failed to realize i needed — we both — needed to work on a emotional, communicative connection.

      i .. think (?) i still love you. i’m not sure yet only because i am afraid to feel trapped. to ... not feel free. i like to feel secure and you give me that. god, the way i can just be myself without judgement, without fear is so freeing. but, the fear... the fear of hurting you, of dissociating so hard that i scare myself because i went too far that i didn’t even know who i was ... that scares me. it wasn’t healthy. i was at a confusing, lost point in my life when we met and though we both have grown, and though i am open to trying again, i am scared of returning.

      maybe it’s a sign. maybe we shouldn’t but not being open about what i feel has never been a thing we didn’t do, even if it never had a conclusion. so, here i am, struggling over these feelings and struggling over if i should tell you.

      the worst thing you, anyone, could say is no so what am i waiting for?
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Black Belt
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House: Sagacitas

Fri Jul 19, 2019 7:04 pm

dear m,

i'm so sorry. these past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, but i hope you're at peace now. you may not be my aunt but you're the aunt i wish i'd had growing up. you've been nothing but a positive influence in my and other peoples' lives, and i hope that wherever you are now you're no longer in pain. i just wish i could've been there for you at the end

rest in peace auntie xx
Bronze Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Sat Jul 20, 2019 1:31 am

Dear members of station number five,
I want to thank you for your kindness to my neighbors when their apartment caught fire last week. You showed them great empathy even the three animals. Risking repeated entries until they were all safe. A task that was not required as all human occupants were suscessfuly evacuated before your arrival. You even went so far as to revive via CPR one of the two cats. (Whom last I heard was doing well) I know those three furballs mean the world to them and I doubt they had a chance to thank you and though you may never see this I want to thank you on their behalf. I used to live across the street from you all a number of years ago and while you lot were far from quiet neighbors you were always respectful as your job allowed for. (The fact I worked backshifts at the time made it tricky for you to be quiet while I was sleeping too lol) I'm sure your still great neighbors station number five! You proved again how much you care about your community and the families within it again and again.
Stay Safe,

Dear B family,
I know the news you recieved today was hard to hear and I know you feel your in crisis right now and that is valad. Everything your feeling right now is valad. Anger, fear, denial that this is even happening in your family all normal all valid. Your however strong family and I know you'll stick together and fight through this with one another supporting each other. Take hope where you can and remember to be yourselves. Your all such loving giving people. Pain might be unavoidable but it alone wont destroy you as a group. I wish I could change things for you all but that is so far beyond any power I have but I can drop you in my thoughts and what you would call prayers.
Be strong for one another,

Dear C441-
I'm sorry you lost a friend the other night. No one should have to watch a friend die like that and feel helpless as it's happening. The worst part of it is you'll see it again if you keep living the life you have been. Your too old for the party life look at what's its cost you in just the past two years. You've lost her, your freedom (if only briefly) , its stolen your mother too and now one more of your friends. Your drinking Buddies. I wish this would be the thing that finaly opens your eyes. You might not be able to get back what you lost but you might be able to start having a life.
Its past time you put the bottle down.

Dear anybody reading this
Yeah it's been a week but I'm making it through. I can only hope some of the otherss around me are copejng and not let my empathy for their situations eat me. So far I got this. No tears, no shaking hands, no nightmares.. not much sleep but hey the heat warning was reissued so I'm okay.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Mon Jul 29, 2019 3:51 pm

Dear you,

Please, don't give up the fight. I know things are rough and none of us can see the end of the tunnel. But I can't have you give up. I need you in my life. I will always need you.

I am trying to continue the best I can. Trying to stay strong. Because like I feel I have to. I want to make you both proud, and even if I know I am, it doesn't make it any easier. I want to spend more time with him, but I know he is already occupied enough with taking care of you. And I don't want to feel like another burden for him.

I know it is hard. I know you don't believe in yourself anymore. But I need you to start doing that. To stop ignoring what I am saying. Please stop being so stubborn. I know you. I have done so my whole life.

Don't give up. I'm serious. I already lost you for now, temporarily. I don't want that to become a permanent thing. I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose him. I don"t want to lose anyone. You said you wanted things to become like they were. Please work for that, even if it will be hard.

I miss the old days. I miss my safe haven being safe.

Thinking about what may happen terrifies me. I can hear your cry for help but my hands are tied. I want to help you but I can't. Not in the way I wish to.

I never asked for much. All I ask is for you to not give up. Come back to us. I need you.

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Silver Belt
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House: Sagacitas

Mon Aug 19, 2019 5:15 am

  • dear _____,
    fuck, man. i don't know why i keep thinking about you lately. maybe i'm just lonely. maybe i've been drinking too much recently. i miss you. i wish i could've worked things out between us, or at least apologized for all the shit i put you through. jesus man, i went to the gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes tonight because i thought maybe just maybe you might still be working there and i could see you again. it's been two and a half years since i quit smoking. it's been two since i last saw you. i don't know what the fuck i was thinking. now i'm just lonely, drunk, frustrated and bitter with a pack of cigarettes that are gonna make me sick. fuck it. i've been feeling sick a lot lately. i'm also still kind of drunk right now. i still miss you and i think about you more than i probably should. but you've probably moved on by now, forgotten about me. it's for the best, i was never good enough for you. it's not fair of me to want to see you again. i hope you've forgotten all about me by now. i'm sorry.
    sincerely, drunk, stupid and holding onto the past.
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Orange Belt
Posts: 349
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Gender: a societal construct
Location: dissociation
House: Halcyon


Fri Aug 23, 2019 8:33 am

  • to my lovely best friend:
    you've been gone for one (1) day and i already miss you terribly. it hurts me physically to know you're feeling bad somewhere i can't comfort you. i'll come visit you soon, okay? i know things seem horrible right now, but everything will look better in the morning. good things are coming, even if it doesn't feel like it. and if you ever need me, no matter how small you feel the reason is, i will be there. i love you, and i would drive a lot longer than two hours for you. you're precious to me, and i really hope you start feeling better and like yourself again <3

    to my coworker:
    if i catch you being a dick to my brother again i'm going to ruin you. do you understand me? fuck with him one more time, and you'll never be able to fucking speak to him again. if hr doesn't fire your dumb ass, i'll get rid of you myself (:
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