Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

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freightcar
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Thu Dec 26, 2019 7:54 pm

you trying to come back into my life and comment on my photos and message me like you hadn't hurt me and abandoned me feels like a slap in the face and shows that you don't comprehend just how badly you hurt me.
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winters.
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Sat Dec 28, 2019 8:57 pm

    • i wish you could accept me for the way i was. i wish you could see you're picking her over me and its your fault i'm not the son you want me to be. because this is who i am and i'm not changing to make you happy
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sylver
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Sun Dec 29, 2019 11:30 am

  • dreamy baby,

    you're not even gone yet, and yet all i can think about is that i won't ever be able to just spend time with you. i'll never again get to see you peek around the corner when i come home from work and open the door. i'll never hear your nails clicking on the floor, or hear you waltz up the stairs in the morning to jump into my bed when i call your name again. i'll never get to have you push your head into my hand when i scratch your ears again. i'll never fall asleep with you laying on my legs, or with me holding you in my arms again. i'll never be able to laugh at the dumb faces you make again. i'll never hear your tail whack against every piece of furniture in the house at 3 AM when you decided you want everyone else to be awake again. i'll never have you nearly push me over when you're happy again, i'll never have you sit in my lap like you're still a small puppy again, i'll never see you carry your leash in your mouth while i walk you again, i'll never see rocky put his tiny paws on your chest to sniff you again, i'll never have you beg me for treats again, i'll never get to see you look satisfied when i brush you again, i'll never see you dig around in your toy chest again, i'll never get to complain about your stinky breath or your drool again, i'll never get to see your excited face when you get one of your favourite treats again. i'll never see you again.

    there's so many things i won't have without you anymore. for almost a decade, you were one of the only constants in my life. a living being who never judged me, who was always there to provide comfort when everything else went to hell and everyone else left. and of course i knew this would happen, that you'd have to leave me someday, but as with most things, i always pushed that thought away from me. but now, seeing you not even being able to stand up, let alone walk? i know i need to have to let you go. i don't want you to suffer. but... it hurts, because a very selfish part of me just wants you to stay so, so bad. there's definitely people who will think i'm being silly and pathetic. you're just an animal to them. but, for me, you were the closest thing to a sister i ever had and it feels like a part of me is dying with you.

    i'm sorry i couldn't be there more for you. i'm sorry i didn't join in on any walks with you recently. i just didn't think things would come to an end so quickly. i thought you'd have more time, that you'd make it to your 10th birthday in may. i was gonna take the day off again. remember? i just told you a few days back. and now i won't get to see you make it to a decade and all i can think of is what i'll be losing with you, as well as the guilt i feel for not making more out of the time we had.

    i love you, my little baby. you're so much more than just a dog, and i hope you know how much you mean to me and how much i cherish you. don't hold on just for me. you can let go. i don't want you to suffer. not in your last moments.
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sammy
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Thu Jan 09, 2020 1:38 am

i can't shake off this feeling of dread.
we haven't known each other the longest time, but you're one of my closest friends.
you've been struggling a bit recently. i understand that. i don't think i understood the extent of it, though. because when you messaged me in the middle of the night and you were outside, i was confused. the whisper of fear became a scream of body-freezing terror when you told me what you did.
it was the place, as well. i didn't have to ask to know where you were, but i did anyway - and your answer basically confirmed it. the same place m did it. history was repeating itself, and i was half an hour away, and you were telling me to stay calm and change the world and then you turned your phone off.
in the horror, the only things i could think about was what would happen afterward. i don't even know your favourite colour. i know you like the beatles, and bbno$, but there's so much about you i don't know. and there's so much about me that you don't know, and i didn't want you to leave before we got to learn those things about each other.
i was in my car when you messaged me on discord, of all things, to tell me that you were alright. i pretended i wasn't shaking like a fucking leaf, like my entire existence hadn't come shattering down in the space of less than an hour, and i told you that i was just glad you were okay. that you could talk to me about anything.
but i've heard that, and i know that it means nothing. i know that those are just empty words when you're stuck in that void. i wish you would believe me.
the next day wasn't much better. you were driving like a maniac, and i was sat staring out the window, fearing the fall.

i want you to know that i love you, and i want you to be okay more than anything in the world.
but i also know that it's not really your choice. and if this becomes your choice, then i am begging for you to know that i love you. i adore you. you provided a solace in a time that would have otherwise been lonely. you sat there with me in the dark and threw stones into the lake, kicked the hollow hills, and shouted at the strange, repetitive noise. if i lost you, i don't know that i'd ever be able to go back to that lake.
but i understand.
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starfire
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Thu Jan 09, 2020 4:04 am

1) you said you didn't want a girlfriend or a relationship.
2) i understood that. i wasn't sure what i wanted.
3) i knew we were friends. i was happy with that.
4) you kinda left. i wasn't sure if you were leaving or just
coming back in a little bit. i felt bad for wanting you to
come back because i guess - in a way i wanted something
you didn't? i told myself before i wouldn't do that to you.
5 ) i was up in bed one night and i checked out your insta
6 ) my heart stopped. it really did. oh god. IT HURT
7) thoughts ran through my mind. i was confused. CONFUSED.
8) then i began to shake. i've never shook like that. ever.
i felt my body shake first. every inch of me was vibrating in a
way that felt like it would never stop-hell i didn't even know i
could behave like this in the first time.
9) i couldn't b r e a t h e .
10 ) i'm crying as i write this. now all i want to do is cry.

---- sorry i forgot where i was going with this . . . . . . . ---------

11) i got up and walked outside, looking at my hands. they
were shaking violently.
12) i was scared
13) i can't remember if i cried or not. i likely did. i don't think
there's a single reason i had in that moment not to cry
because i was in so much pain.
14) the next time i saw you, i had a panic attack.
15) everytime i see someone like you, i have a panic attack.
the simple thought of you, the memory, everything about you.
i break down so bad that i can't put myself back together.
16) now, as of wed 9:57PM i'm wiping tears away from my
right eye and then holding back my left one. i might go into
the living room later and cry my heart out. maybe i'll pass out.
17) OH. i remember what i did. i played music loudly on my
phone and stuck my headphones on.

i've never felt this way before. never shook from a memory.
i should have hit you. being from the part of the world where
the citizens are known for their impatience, hustle-bustle and
angry voices advocating for everything we deserve, i should
have went straight up to you and smacked you across the face.
the only reason i didn't want to is because i knew you could
deck me straight back x3 harder. i wonder how that would
feel compared to the pain i carry everywhere. perhaps it would
have been a relief. i'll never know.

i'm sorry if i ever did something wrong. i'm so mad at myself.
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hyde
White Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Sat Jan 11, 2020 10:19 am

Hidden text.
  • dovey

    i’m sorry. i’m sorry for my words that dripped with venom and stung for days after they were said. maybe i was too high up on the throne you placed me on to see the damage that had been done. i couldn’t see the dents in your armour and how our bickering wore it down until the final blow to our relationship shattered it. if i could take it all back, i would. every snide comment and ignored calls.

    i remember when you often likened me to a hero. someone who was always there to swoop you away from danger and put you back together when you started to fall apart. so when did i become the villain in your story? we were so used to being a team that we never thought we’d be facing each other on the battlefield. we built a wall between us to shield ourselves from the accusations we flung at each other.

    this letter will never been seen by you, but i guess this is somewhat of a comfort i’ve been looking for.

    - enoch.
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♚ʜᴀʀʟᴇʏ Qᴜɪɴɴ♚
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Joined: Wed May 21, 2014 2:00 pm
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:16 pm

Dear life,

I don’t know. I don’t know any more. I don’t know where I’m going, what I’m doing here, if there’s any point in this all. I just don’t fucking know. Where am I going with my career? Will I ever move out and get my own place? Will my mind ever be stable and sound? Who knows. Maybe it’ll sort itself out, maybe one day I’ll look back at this and laugh, I’ll laugh so hard at how young and naive I was. I really hope I do. But I can’t see it, times moving on and I’m stuck in the motions, unable to quite go forward just stuck where I am. Lost. I cry too much again. All the time. I don’t care if I’m around or not, I just get on with life day after day, just about making it through. That’s all I’m doing right now, surviving not living, pretty shit way to live in your twenties huh?
Maybe I should be something by now.
Maybe I should have done something with my life by now.

Maybe I should just quit life altogether. I don’t know.

Sincerely
A girl who really doesn’t know where she’s going and she forgot her map and her phone has no signal.
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Gamora
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House: Halcyon

Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:39 pm

    • hey pals,

      I know you mean well and I do mean it when I say that I love you, but holy shit, none of you are in any position to tell me what to do with my life. I legit don't see a problem with latching onto the things I do. it's not like i'm addicted to alcohol, or waste my life away sitting on the couch not working. I have a full time job and responsibilities like any adult, so who cares that I like to spend my free time doing what I like to do? maybe latching onto fandoms isn't your cup of tea, but it's mine. it makes me happy.

      i'd never say this to your face because I know you meant well. I know you never meant to upset me, but god, it really did hurt. I went through years of therapy to figure out ways to cope, to feel confident in myself, and you made me feel like trash. and newsflash, my therapist said what I do is fine. there's nothing wrong with it. i'm not hurting myself and it's not toxic behavior so why do you fucking care? and for the record, telling a disabled person to "go out and do things" is pretty rude. I know it's hard to understand, but if I even so much as go to the mall for an hour, i'm aching the rest of the day and it throws my next few days off track because i'll need to take it easy. you just don't get it, you really don't.

      and the whole "there's more to life than horses" bullshit rubbed me the wrong way too. how about you lose the one thing in life that kept you going and gave you purpose, then try to give me a damn intervention. and just so you know, I can kinda tell y'all get mad that I don't hang with you much. but i'm busy. busy with ollie and various things, and those take a lot out of me. adding hangouts on top of that just makes it worse.

      I get it. you're concerned, but there were many other ways you could have expressed that than the way you did. i'm pretty hurt and feel damn shitty about myself now too. I don't think this is something I can forget easy. forgive? sure, I don't hold grudges, but i'm going to be pretty hesitant to share anything exciting in my life anymore for fear of judgement and being shut down. I love you all so much, and am blessed to have met you, but last night was really uncalled for and it really hurt. I wish I could tell you that, but I just can't.

      sincerely,
      your loser friend
    • " WE'RE LOSERS, AND
      Image
      Image
      WE ALWAYS WILL BE."

      "follow your own path.
      wherever that takes you."

      ┌─────────────────┐

      starmora & reddie enthusiast
      my inbox is always open

      └─────────────────┘

      "fuck you, bro"nerdtrashmouth
      ───────────────────
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EndlessBliss
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Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:03 am
Gender: Female
Location: Venus
House: Halcyon

Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:50 am

xxx
xxx

Dear First Love,

You really fucked me over. I was always there for you whenever you needed someone to talk to. Constantly I offered my love and support through all your struggles. When you would come to me about a girl you were in love with, I sucked it up and was there for you. I would listen to you describe how beautiful she was and how you wanted to be with her. Little did you know I was on the other end of the phone with tears in my eyes.

Then I opened up my heart to you. Told you my feelings. You were nice. Understanding. But you said that you didn't think we would work out and that we were just too different. Yes you were probably right. But that didn't make the sting any less deep. You were the first boy I ever loved. The first I truly cared about and gave my heart to. And you know what I wouldn't change a thing. I tried holding on to my emotions and to my anger towards you for so long. In reality I am actually grateful for you.

You came into my life and you did truly make me happy. You were my goofball who knew just how to make me laugh when I felt like crying. You showed me what its like to feel cared for. Then you also showed me what its like to feel used, hurt, and played. But I am not angry anymore in fact you have made me realize the love I truly deserve. The standards I can shoot for and the happiness someone real will bring into my life. So yes you were my first love and you always will be but I am now finally saying my last goodbye.

xxx
xxx
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caligo
Black Belt
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Re: Write a letter that you'll never send - New Rule

Wed Jan 22, 2020 4:06 am

    • dear j

      i'm sorry, i'm sorry you couldn't see another way out. I'm sorry you battled for so long with yourself. I wish I had known, I wish I could have helped you. Even if maybe it was not my place to do so.

      hopefully you are at peace now.
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